i didn't look back. i promise.

June 14, 2008

It was 11:25 pm when we arrived after the long dirt road filled with little rocks sorrrounded by green trees – it looked like we were in some kind of tree tunnel in the middle of nowhere. You could only hear the rustling of the river near by, not even the birds were singing their songs at this hour. And we were too far away from town to hear the roosters, the dogs, the cats, or the people having a laugh here or there. Even though the windows were open in the car, it was still getting warm, and as always, humid. The back of my neck was beginning to sweat, and so was my left arm, which was squished next to Pepe, my cousin (im part of the family already what can I say). There were actually 6 of us in the small low black Honda. Three in the back, and three in the front. Because the car was low and close to the road, we had to be driving extra slow because every few seconds you would hear the scraching of a rock toppled around under the car, possibly leaving its trace behind. This speed though only made the ride longer… and all I wanted to do was get there to be back already…

I thought we had arrived to another side of the pueblo… or maybe a different one considering we had been driving for some time. I was kind of confused. Aside from the typical, I also saw little house-like rectangles, with candles lit inside. They had a door and everything. Some undistinguishable flowers were sticking out of some of the windows of these little cement “houses.” They were the same height as that of a tipical one story house… only a lot smaller. Just a few feet in square inches wide.

We pull up, turn off the car’s lights, the boys get out of the car, open my door and ask… “Vienes?”
“Yo no. Aqui los espero,” said Chela, Pepe’s sister, who is my age.
“No manchen, yo aqui los espero tambien. Yo de aqui no me muevo,” said Esteban, leaning his head back on his drivers seat closing his eyes.
“Tienes que enfrentar tu miedo cara a cara. Ademas, no les va a pasar nada,” Pepe reasurred them.

Pepe is tall, pretty built, and was wearing a tee shirt that folded up right on his “conejo.” I always make fun of him for it. He has tight curly hair that goes up to his shoulders, and he always wears a baseball cap. Even right now.

“Bueno pues, viens o te quedas?” he asked me again.

I decided to take advantage of this opportunity to face my fears as well… after I began a continued prayer that did not finish until well after I arrived back home, I got out of the car and followed with Pepe, Ruby, and Pepe’s friend. Ruby and I were pretty much cuddling as we walked. She is way shorter than me though, and a couple years younger. She's another friend.

“No se asusten, que no pasa nada,” said Pepe with a reasurring voice. I trust this kid. He didn’t say it with a playful tone. This relieved me a bit.

By now it was 11:30 pm. We sat in the center of it, right under the biggest cross around atop a rather large cement block. The moon was bright so i could distinguish some of the little cement blocks because of the shadow of the moon. But this cross we laid on, it wasn’t home to anybody.

I was king of tense, then with the sound of the river near by, began to relax. I couldn’t see it. It was hidden behind the bush of trees. But I could hear it clearly. The boys arrived and laid on their back looking at the sky from the rock the cross was mounted on. Ruby and I were still cuddling.

“What do you feel… are you seriously scared right now?” Pepe asked me again.
“Well,” I said in a low and slow way. “I thought I would be practically pissing my pants right now… but surprisingly, no… I think I kind of feel a sence of peace right now.”

“See? I told you. What is there to be afraid of?”

Once in a while I would realize… crap, its almost midnight and I am in the midle of the cementary. With crosses of every shape and size. Cement tombstones of all shapes and sizes too. Pepe and his friend did knock on one of the doors where the tombstone was a little house and a candle was lit inside. I snapped at him for doing so.

After lying under the cross for a while on top of the rock that belong to no one, or everyone, I decided to leave back to the car. It was quite the peaceful moment I had just had. Putting me to reflect… relizing that well, in life, we are going to end up like this… under a pile of dirt – if im lucky. Putting me to think that this is the great equalizer of us all. Rich or poor, white or black, (or brown!). Reminding me to invest in eternal things… because I do believe that at least that is what will last… and im trying to see what these "eternal" things are indeed.

I actually didn’t want to leave… but at the same time I wanted to run out of there. We were well lit by the moonlight, which was only a cresecent moon. But with no lights around, the moon for some reason seemed way brighter than usual.

As we were leaving, they talked about the myth that says to never look back at a cementary when leaving it at night… because you will see things… or feel things…
We got in the car, and none of us looked back. I tried to say i didn't believe in myths like that... Jesus was by my side... :) But of course, the guys had to get in their joking mood sometime during the night - but still, none of us looked back.

This elongated my prayer a bit… after we drove again through that long dirt road filled with little rocks sorrrounded by green trees, which still looked like we were in some kind of tree tunnel in the middle of nowhere, I cought sight of the elementary, middle, and high school of the Pueblo. We had arrived to its entrance again…

Will I do this again, I don’t know. But I am glad I got off the car… it was quite the random experience… like everything else around here has been thus far.

May you rest, in peace. Why not desire this for someone else, right?

;)